Taphorn’s Twelve Pack: College Football Week 13

Here’s your weekly Taphorns Twelve Pack of College Football betting advice, drink at your own risk. Crack open six bets that I like and six bets that I don’t and pray for a great weekend without a hangover.

It wasn’t perfect, but we ended in the green in Week 12. This is the last week of the regular season and a Thanksgiving version of the Twelve Pack. Enjoy and be thankful this is my money and not yours.

Week 12 Record: 3-3. +2 units; Year to Date Record: 35-40. -9 units; Degenerate Little Birdie Record: 5-7

Six Bets I Like:

1.   Fresno State Bulldogs -7.5 at San Jose State Spartans. The salad. Round one on the Thanksgiving plate. A Thursday game for the Bulldogs who have a great offense led by Jake Haener. Start off the week by making room for the big meals. Bet amount: ½ unit.
2.   Kansas State Wildcats +2.5 at Texas Longhorns. Most people go to Grandma’s house for Thanksgiving, and mine went to Kansas State so I’m obligated to pick the Wildcats. But even if I weren’t I would this week. Texas’ ability to consistently find themselves in a dumpster fire year after year is impressive. The Longhorns haven’t won since October 2nd and won’t be playing in a bowl game. Zero reasons to think the Longhorns are motivated today. Bet amount: ½ unit.
3.   Cincinnati Bearcats -14.5 at East Carolina Pirates. The Bearcats broke through and are in the top four of the College Football Playoff Rankings. Help yourself to an extra plate of stuffing this weekend Luke Fickell, you all did it. But don’t hit that food coma too early, you’ve got two more games to make it happen. Bet amount: 1 unit.
4.   Florida State Seminoles +2.5 at Florida Gators. Dan Mullen got the boot last week after an atrocious few weeks that even Texas is laughing at. This game is the cranberry sauce of the Thanksgiving plate. It’s there, but nobody really likes it. You don’t want to dip into it at all, but Aunt Marge made it and you want to be nice. Bet amount: 1 unit
5.   Ohio State Buckeyes -7.5 at Michigan Wolverines. The Game. The turkey. The focal point of the weekend and the plate. Michigan is hungry for a win in this rivalry, but will they bite off more than they can chew? Ohio State’s offense is firing on all cylinders and brought their stretchy pants for this meal. They’re planning to eat. They missed this meal a year ago and they’re going in for seconds, thirds, and maybe even fourths. Heisman front-runner CJ Stroud and his wide receivers are ready for this one. Bet amount: 2 units.
6.   Alabama Crimson Tide -19.5 at Auburn Tigers. Nick Saban called out the Alabama fan base this week for having a self-entitled mindset. It truly sounded like he wanted to…..mash…..that portion of the fan base. It likely fired up his team who will feast on Auburn’s backup quarterback TJ Finley. Bo Nix is out with a broken foot and Finley didn’t fare well as LSU’s starter a year ago against the Tide. Bama hasn’t won in Jordan-Hare since 2015, but that should change this week. Bet amount: 2 units.

*Degenerate Little Birdie’s Bonus Bet: Ole Miss +2.5 at Mississippi State. The bird brought dessert. The Egg Bowl with Mike Leach and Lane Kiffin is the pumpkin or apple pie with a scoop of whipped cream on top that puts you to bed satisfied.

6 Bets to Avoid:

1.       North Carolina Tar Heels +6.5 at North Carolina State Wolfpack. The Tar Heels are the leftover soup you found frozen in the back of your freezer from last year. It was good back then, but don’t even consider it this year.
2.       Washington State Cougars -1.5 at Washington Huskies. This is the new dish that Cousin Sarah tried to make based on her Pinterest recipe but forgot multiple ingredients. Neither team has a head coach, so there’s just something missing.
3.       Virginia Tech Hokies at Virginia Cavaliers -7.5. This is the last slice of pecan pie that Uncle Jim and Uncle Fred fight over, but the fight’s not actually over the pie they just don’t like each other. Jim’s got a mean right hook, but Fred spent some time in County so you’re not sure who to take.
4.       Oklahoma Sooners at Oklahoma State Cowboys -4.5. The Bedlam Rivalry. This game is the politics conversation at the dinner table. The two sides hate each other, there’s going to be yelling, it’s probably going to get ugly. The only difference is the football game will have a winner.
5.       Notre Dame Fighting Irish -20.5 at Stanford Cardinal. The Cardinal are the new boyfriend that your sister brings home to meet the family from college. He’s a psychology major and asked if the mashed potatoes are vegan. Your dad (Notre Dame) is begging him to play in the Turkey Bowl after lunch so he can have a reason to clothesline the guy without upsetting your sister too much. We all know it’s not a fair fight.
6.   Texas A&M Aggies at LSU Tigers +6.5. This game represents the two college-aged cousins that haven’t seen each other since they left for their respective schools. They’ve been texting for months about how epic Thanksgiving is going to be hanging out and catching up, but both showed up hungover from the night before and can’t function. Cousin one is in the bathroom throwing up and cousin two hasn’t picked his head up from his mashed potatoes and Grandma Sue is concerned he’s studying too much and that’s why he’s so tired. Ultimately there was a lot of hype, but it turned into nothing.

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